Stephen's reviews
Review of Flat White Espresso Bar
05 Dec 08, 14:39
Phizzz, Zing, Pow - whoa there! 
OMG these guys dish up some of the best, most powerful espressos know to man.
Go there for a shot after a heavy lunch and you'll be buzzing until at least tea time.
Excellent!
1 out of 1 person found this review helpful.
Review of Bodeans Restaurant
04 Dec 08, 10:27
Shredded pork of the gods
Bodeans is a US style diner that sells all manner of unhealthy munge and is reputed to be the best hangover-haunt in central soho.
The shredded pork that they sell is rumoured to be able to set a man right even after necking a bottle of brandy the night before.
Indeed, such are the medicinal qualities of the fayre on offer, you'll often see a queue of punters winding its way out of the door on a Friday lunchtime. Punters, that, no doubt, have all partaken in Soho's traditional "Thirsty Thursday" activities the night before.
Go get yourself some meat.
1 out of 1 person found this review helpful.
Review of Balans
09 Sep 08, 09:43
Only real men can stomach a whole Balans Burger
Thanks to its location on one of Soho's busiest streets for nightlife, I (like seeming 3/4 of all punters in there) have never entertained going to Balans before 11:30pm. Nor have I ever arrived at this establishment without managing to get completely sozzled beforehand.
Consequently, what I know about the expansiveness of their menu, quality of service or wine list selection can be written on the back of a very small stamp.
What's more, none of this matters.
ALL one needs to know is that if you've ever indulged in an ale or two of an eve then a visit to Balans, where one can sit, salivating, open mouthed in awe at the majesty and sheer spectacle of one of their burgers, should be considered mandatory.
Such is its reputation for felling many a fine fellow, the Balan's Burger is beginning to enter into local folklore as something of a giant killer. It's an almighty tower of beef, bacon and cholesterol that is (quite literally if you were to indulge in, say, more than one a month) to die for.
Served up with a fistful of handcut fat fries you'd be doing well to find a better burger this side of stateside.
They say that those that have managed to finish one can be counted on the fingers of one hand. I, for one, having oft tried to enter this exclusive club, have found all attempts to date ending in failure.
So, if you know a good burger when you see it, and know what's good for you, then get yourself to Balans asap. You won't regret it.
2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.
Review of Le Cafe Du Marche
08 Sep 08, 23:27
Posh French Nosh for Notta Lotta Dosh
OK, if I tell you a secret will you promise not to tell anyone? You will? Great. Then let us begin...
Cafe du Marche is one of those rarest of restaurants that you can find in London - one that manages to combine excellent un-fussy French food with a price that won't break the bank.
I say "that you can find", but, to be honest, located as it is, tucked away down the bottom of an oldey-worldey cobbled side street just off Charterhouse Square, it's not the kind of place that you're likely to stumble across by chance, And, thankfully, this quirk of geography seems to be reflected in the type of clientele that it attracts.
Instead of the braying city boys, preening new media types and sweating American tourists that you'll find cluttering up central London restaurants (those weighed down respectively by their wallets, egos and camera equipment) Cafe du Marche appears to be full of, dare I say it, normal people. Normal people with one thing in common - a love of fine food.
In typical French fashion the menu is a fixed price "à la carte affair" offering you a choice of starter, main and desert for the decidedly un-princely sum of £33. If you can't find anything you like on the main menu (which would prove difficult as it offered an excellent selection) there are also daily specials available for a small supplement of around £5-£10 per dish. Wine buffs will also not be left wanting as there's also a comprehensive wine list available to suit all pallets and pockets.
As it was my birthday when we ate there I went a bid mad and plumped for a bottle of Pauillac (at an eye watering £58 - but what the hell, I wasn't paying!) which proved to be a more than agreeable companion with which to wash down my lobster spaghetti starter, roast grouse main and selection of psychosis-inducing strong French cheeses for desert. Overall the meal was spot-on, with everything being super-tasty and cooked to perfection.
Likewise I'd struggle to find fault with either the service or ambiance. All the waiters were attentive and courteous and they'd even gone to the trouble of having a pianist on-hand to plonk away some un-annoying jazz repertories (who'd have thought that possible? Un-annoying jazz?) on an old upright in the middle of the room. Suffice to say we had no qualms adding a little extra to the 15% service charge applied to the final bill.
So, all in all, Cafe du Marche is (to date) something of a well kept secret amongst fans of French food. A true hidden gem of a place. Just don't tell anyone I told you so, I wouldn't want the brayers, preeners or sweaters of this world descending upon it and ruining it for everyone else.
2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.
Review of Tanfastique
12 Aug 08, 14:33
The best named tanning salon in the UK bar none
I used to drive past this place every now and again and it always brought a smile to my face.
I know nothing of the quality or range of services that it offers but I'm rating it 5 our of 5 for simply having one of the most naff comedy business names around.
I always had visions of it being run by a pair of characters that were just like Marlene and Boyce from Only Fools and Horses.
Classy name Marlene!
0 out of 0 people found this review helpful.
Review of Leonardo Ristorante Italiano
23 May 08, 09:49
Ask for the "Special" topping on your pizza
When I lived in Brighton I had an office just around the corner from Leonardos and I used to go their 2 or 3 times a week for their great value lunchtime deals.
The grilled sardines were amazing and the service was always spot on.
HOWEVER, this all came to an abrupt end one day back in 2003. There was I busy tucking into Moma's spicy meat balls when a load of police came bursting through the front door and started pointing guns at everyone.
It turns out that the then owner had been making a tidy profit from a new line of pizzas that featured "special" toppings. Toppings that included finest Columbian cocaine.
People would ring ahead with their "special order" and then drop by the restaurant to pick up their pizza. Once home they would lift a corner of their pizza's succulent, hand spun, doughy base to find a yummy big bag of Coke sitting their ready for desert.
Now that's what I call service!
The owner ended up getting 8 years...
http://archive.theargus.co.uk/2004/8/24/110346.html
1 out of 1 person found this review helpful.
Review of English's Of Brighton
19 Apr 08, 19:57
Excellent Brigton Seafood Restaurant
English's can be found at the centre of the North Laines area of Brighton just a couple of streets away from the seafront.
It has a well deserved reputation for serving up some of (if not the) best seafood in Brighton and if you're going there you're going to need a pretty fat wallet as quality comes with a pretty hefty price tag.
So, unless you're super minted, you're best off saving up for a special occasion and then going proper mental when you get there by tucking into the scallops to start followed by the biggest whole grilled lobster you can afford and washing it all down with a bottle of Champers or Chablis. Add on the excellent creme brulee for desert and a coffee and you can easily find yourself breaking the £100 / head barrier.
Worth every penny!
2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.
Review of The Royal Albert Hall
19 Apr 08, 18:30
The Albert Hall Rocks!
Went to see The Fratellis there a couple of weeks ago and the Albert Hall is an awesome venue.
Pretty much the only downer was the jobsworth door people that they had working there who came across as a wee bit snooty. That said it may be just that they're not accustomed to dealing with 1000s of drunken rock fans jumping around and falling down the stairs most nights!
0 out of 0 people found this review helpful.
Review of Chapter Two
08 Apr 08, 18:18
Best Restaurant in Blackheath
This place is awesome.
It offers a great menu of French inspired and English classic cuisine brought right up to date.
Some may find the presentation a little fussy (glass oblong plates anyone?) but the service is great and the food is to die for. Better still it's far from overpriced; expect to pay around £40 / head if you've not gone mental on the wine.
Definetly plump for the pea soup or scallop entrees if they're on offer when you visit.
1 out of 1 person found this review helpful.
Review of Billie's Cafe
25 Mar 08, 19:35
The best hangover breakfast in Brighton bar none
For those visiting Brighton for the weekend Billie's cafe is slightly off the tourist track but well worth the 5 minute walk up the hill from the main high street where you'lll find it nestled amongst the Georgian town houses that abound in the "Clifton Hill Conservation Area" on the corner of Upper North Street & Hampton Place.
Interior wise its honest rather that salubrious and all the better for it - think of it as more of an up-market greasy spoon rather than gastro-caff and you'll have the right idea.
They're deservedly famous for their "Hash" range of breakfasts (basically a huge mound of fried potatoes with whatever takes your fancy munged on top) which (in my experience) can cure some of the most malignant hangovers known to man. This fact has not gone un-noticed and, with only around 6 or 7 tables available, it's not uncommon to see a queue of hungover-looking locals weaving its way out the door and into the street whilst they wait for a table during peak Saturday and Sunday brunch times - get there before midday though and you should be OK.
The staff are all super friendly and willing to please and you'll find all the weekend papers and glossies available to flip through whilst you attempt to conquer your chosen hash mountain (go for the "Farmhouse" if you want the works, and have the bandwidth available to conquer it... you may have to undo a notch or two on your belt mind!)
All in all, heartedly recommended!
2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.