It doesn't have a huge range of foods, but why not stick with the tried and tested French favourites and the window seats are lovely overlooking the common. There is a shared table with candles for cosier days.

We ordered two standard dishes. Vegetable Tart and Cajun chicken. Chicken was ordinary. My girlfriend had the vegetable tart. A couple of bites into it she found a hair. Ok, this sometimes happens, so she removed it. A few bites later she found a clump of hairs, this time they were fully cooked into the tart. When she tried to remove them it pulled the tart to pieces, it was full of them and completely baked in. To put it mildly this put us both off our lunch. We asked the waiter to take the food away as we were not going to pay for it. He didn’t apologise just said ‘that’s fine’.

A few minutes later we told him we were going to get up and go. He said ‘ok’. Still no apology, then he walked off. So we did too.

Then just outside the restaurant the waiter followed us and demanded we pay for the mineral water! We told him our lunch was nauseating and ruined. His argument was ‘yeah, but the water was fine’. We found it incredible he’d want to cause a scene just 10 metres away from his restaurant, on a sunny day with customers in ear-shot sitting outside. Thinking it would stop the argument we suggested if he wanted to carry on negotiating over the water we do it inside the restaurant. To our astonishment he agreed.

When we got back to the restaurant it was more of the same; still demanding £2 for the water, he mentioned the police, we mentioned the health inspector. Then we noticed another customer had just been served the same hair-filled dish. They hadn’t even taken it off the menu!

We told the unfortunate customer what happened and everyone looked appalled. His mood now changed. He said and didn’t care about the £2, but was getting angry.

We’d made our point and left to amusing threats from the waiter that he would ‘find me’ or ‘get’ me. Nice. And all in front of your customers. Real Clever.

In summary AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE. Unless you like rotund waiters with small-man syndrome abusing you Jerry Springer style for having the audacity to not pay for a meal filled with hair.

We didn’t pay the £2. And I still haven’t been ‘got’. Looks like the witness re-location can wait for a bit then Mr Waiter…

I’d be more than happy to discuss or meet with any employees of Le Chardon.

Beer is served too, which is nice. Stars lost for lacking a bit on atmosphere, being full of people from Clapham and occasionally being a bit "meh".

Solid.

Inexpensive, adventurous, tasty. All three apply. This really is a place where I've never been disappointed.

The mushroom and cheese calzone is particularly good, and this is from a man who likes as much meat as possible piled onto his plate. Go. Go soon.

Balham and Clapham Common is usually 'destination centrale' for bars.

Gigalum opened a year or so ago and is Clapham South's third bar. It's much more livelier than the Glow Lounge and Firefly and there are a lot of seriously beautiful wide eye'd and chatty people in here sipping cocktails and desperately trying to impress/pull.

It's open late and it's good to have this sort of Bar on your doorstep when you fancy a big night out. The main reason for coming is the huge terrace but be warned it can get very, very, very busy.

The pizza and pasta dishes are reasonaly priced and is a good choice for a local treat. The main courses aren't as good value as the pizza's and pasta, as you'd expect but are very tasty.

My only gripe is that the service can be too quick and you're sometimes in and out in under an hour. Great if you want to eat and run but not great if you want to make an evening of it.

The head waiter also looks like Jan Micheal Vincent from Airwolf. Very amusing.

The pizza and pasta dishes are reasonaly priced and is a good choice for a local treat. The main courses aren't as good value as the pizza's and pasta, as you'd expect but are very tasty.

My only gripe is that the service can be too quick and you're sometimes in and out in under an hour. Great if you want to eat and run but not great if you want to make an evening of it.

The head waiter also looks like Jan Micheal Vincent from Airwolf. Very amusing.